She is a girl in her early twenties
The roaring twenties
But they want to tame her
They say “You are a big girl, act like it”
Thing is “She’s not a girl, neither a woman”
Funny how a Britney Spears old song crossed her mind that day
It wasn’t a dying thought; it was Illumination coming her way …
She paused for a moment, trying to frame what suddenly hit her
It wasn’t an afterthought, a vision, a random image or a déjà-vu
It was a new conviction, a strong belief that seized her entire being
Her eyes probed the blank space
Her body muscles loosened
She sat on the edge of her bed
Carelessly playing with the strings of her violin
Repeating to the empty room: “I’m not a girl, neither a woman”
As if she’s trying to compose an ode to celebrate her liminal self
Her “Liminal Self” ..
They taught her that liminality is a miserable state of being
That inbetweenness is a lost soul, a faceless body,
A heart that wants to belong somewhere …
Thing is, she didn’t want to belong anywhere
She is in-between , she is unlabeled, she is free
She’s not a girl, neither a woman
She’s this and she’s that
She’s both and she’s not ..
She wants to sing with her scratchy voice
And play with her hair
She wants to sleep with her mouth opened
And her hands spread on the pillow like an angel
She once believed in that, she wants to believe again
She wants to wear unmatching socks and giggle with her friends
She wants to dance barefoot to her favorite song
And hide under a tent made of tiny pillows
She wants to make random decisions while she still can
“She’s not a girl, neither a woman”
She’s a light essence, strange yet familiar
Innocent and wise, clumsy and classy
A little girl in high heels
A rebel with a black hair and bitten nails
A shy girl with granny glasses
A smartypants kid making faces to strangers
She’s this and that
She’s all and she’s nothing ..
She keeps revolutionary books
She wakes at dawn to write poetry
She plans her week on sticky notes
She bites her lips when she gets an idea
She keeps a teddy bear when studies
She’s almost a woman with the heart of a child
She’s this and that
She’s all and she’s nothing
“She not a girl, neither a woman”
She holds fierce thoughts
But she quickly blushes
She gasps when she cries
Her lips quiver when she lies
She lifts her head up into the air when she laughs
She grins when she wins an argument
She’s a so called “young woman”
But her younger self refuses to leave
She’s this and that
She’s all and she’s nothing
"She’s not a girl, neither a woman” ..
In limbo, she wallows in carelessness
She rejoices in her inbetweenness
She’s uncategorized…
“To define is to limit”, her Oscar Wilde whispers in her ear
She is limitless, fearless, unbridled, unbounded
She can go on a random road trip with her retarded friends
She can stay up all night re-watching her favorite show
She can have breakfast at lunch, take a nap into the evening
Go for a run at night, do laundry while dancing to music of her
neighbors’ party
She can discover the guide-less corners of her country
She can give free hugs in the street to make a point
She can learn a new language, pick up a new instrument
Dream a new dream, set new goals ..
She’s undecidable, irreconcilable, uncertain, uncontrollable
She’s happy because she’s unclassified
She’s strong because she’s undefined
She’s Invincible because she’s self-sufficient
She is not bound to state or a person
She responds to her impulse
She follows her heart
She acts upon her nature ..
She’s unthinkable, unpredictable, undefiable , unstoppable
She wants to age is no regrets
“Now is good”, now is the only possibility
She cherishes her liminality
Because liminality is not a loss
Alienation or estrangement
Liminality is a soul found,
Innocence celebrated, memories made …
In that old negation, she has found her elation
“She’s not a girl, neither a woman” ...
